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QUESTION: I feel like I don’t have any freedom at home. My parents expect me to live a way that they don’t even live themselves. How do I deal with this, and get my parents to not be so strict?
As a teenager, it is normal to feel shackled by the rules of your parents. When you start getting into High School, you start realizing more and more things about yourself and you want to test the waters in so many areas of life. The only problem is that sometimes the only thing standing in the way of you doing what you want to do is your parents.
When we are all young, we go through a stage where we think that our parents are perfect. Your dad is like ”Superman”, and your mom is like…well just perfect. Somewhere along the line of growing up, we start to see reality and realize that our parents are not as perfect as we once thought. You start to maybe see some inconsistencies, mistakes, or even sin that they are involved in. Either way, your parents are human and are in desperate need of the grace of God. You know what though? So are you…so am I…so is everybody. The bottom line is that God calls us to obey, honor and submit to our parents. God loves everyone one of us in-spite of ourselves and the bad things that we do. We are called to love our parents, not because they always deserve it, but because God loves us and gave His life for us.
Do you love God enough to look at your parents in their imperfections and failures, and say…”I’m going to love them and honor them and obey them?”
This part of your life seems like it is so long and you feel like you will never have your freedom. The truth is that you will probably live to be 80-90 years old and will look back at these years and realize not just how short it was, but how much it impacted your life either in a positive or negative way…all by how you handled yourself at this age. How are you dealing with it?
Here are a bunch of things to think about when it comes to your relationship with your parents:
- It is difficult to be a teenager in 2008, but it is equally difficult to be a parent.
- If you want to live a life wholeheartedly for God, sometimes that is going to mean that you need to live a lifestyle that is inconsistent with how your parents live.
- It’s all about COMMUNICATION!!!You have to learn to communicate in life. You might as well learn it now while you are young. If you feel like your parents are being unfair, then slamming doors and mouthing off WILL NEVER help you gain more freedom! Sit down with them and honestly communicate in a nice manner. Ask them how you can show them that you can be more responsible. If you fight a lot with your parents, then start to communicate now by going to an emotionally discharged place like a restaurant or something. COMMUNICATE!
- Most (not all) teenagers that have a lot of rules over them have them because they are showing their parents that they are either irresponsible or can’t be trusted.
- The more responsibility you can show your parents, then the more freedom you will receive. If your parents want you to call at a certain time when you’re out…don’t complain…just do it! When they want you to do different jobs around the house…don’t complain…just do it! If they flat out say NO to something…don’t complain…just deal with it!
- The Bible says that we reap what we sow. How you treat your parents today will affect you later in life. It’s up to you to decide whether it will be a positive or negative.
- Pray for your parents every day!
- THIS IS HUGE!!!!! It takes three times as much work to restore something that was broken.If you have been blowing your curfew, disrespecting your parents, not doing your homework, etc… then it will take three times as much work to show your parents that they can trust you again!
- If your heart is in the right place, and you continue to pray and seek God, then He will empower you to bring restoration to hurt relationships.
- When you are doing something that is wrong to your parents, don’t ever tell them…”Well, this is just who I am, so deal with it”. That is not true. God has given each and every one of us the power to choose the right things. You have to work to re-build the relationship!
Well, that is a lot of stuff, but I hope that you pray about some of this and take it to heart. Unfortunately, not everyone in this world has parents, or parents that show their kids love. Either way, make sure you stay focused on God. God will never fail you!
I have been given a lot of questions about parents. I will post a lot more on this topic soon!